Monday, January 7, 2013

Second Thoughts

I don't make New Year's resolutions normally. If I convince myself that I need to make a change, why wait until the next year? But I do think that my very recent understanding of how my style varies from that of my dear wife could be considered a Resolution. I might word it as follows: Don't assume Barbara's first response is her "final answer". This is the politer version of stating that it's a woman's privilege to change her mind. I err in the other direction. When I make up my mind--normally very quickly--I seldom change it, and when I do, it is usually after a long internal struggle. Sometimes, I think it's a miracle that we are still together after over 40 years. ( I am certainly not alone in this wonderment...) Happily, we still love each other, and are usually publicly tolerant of each other's shortcomings. (In private, we do communicate robustly about the other's failings...) I usually make the choice of the breakfast dish, leaving the choice of fruit (cut, raw, or smoothie) to Barbara. As for the main course at dinner, I like to know what we'll be eating in advance, so that I can choose the wine and set the table appropriately. So I am inclined to ask "What's for dinner?". What I need to do is to eliminate the assumption that Barbara's first response is immutable. I am trying to do just that this year.

4 comments:

  1. My husband always says no first. Then he thinks about it for awhile and usually comes around to my point of view.

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    1. When I have an idea, Barbara says "no". She seldom relents.

      When Barbara has an idea, I usually end up going along with it.

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  2. I empathize. In Myers-Briggs typology, I'm a strong 'J', inclined to make decisions quickly and do all in my power not to change course. My wife is a strong 'P', inclined to put off any and all decisions until the very last second, and always reserving the right to change her mind. It does tend to make life interesting, even after 40 years!

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    1. I am an ENTJ, but only a moderately strong J. Thanks for your comment!

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